It was late, or was it early? Scully had lost all sense of time. All she knew was it dark and her time frame consisted of feedings and sleeping. Hearing Faith stirring, and then her breasts aching simultaneously, Scully pulled away from Mulder's embrace and rose from their warm bed, and lifted her from the bassinet.
Shivering, she reached for her robe and walked quietly out of the room, glancing at Mulder as she closed the door halfway, not wanting to disturb him. He had been up with Faith, walking the floor downstairs as she cried, unable to sleep. Scully had laid in bed and paced with them in her mind, back and forth across the room. She had cried as she tried to sleep, so tired, but wanting to help him, to take Faith from him and settle her herself.
Just when she was about to do just that, it was quiet. Ear ringing quiet settled over the house, and she had sat up, fearing she had gone temporarily deaf. Then she had heard Mulder softly singing to Faith and she laid back down, exhausted tears falling onto her pillow.
She must have dozed, for a few minutes at least, before Mulder was lying beside her, sighing and reaching for her hand. "She's asleep, I hope you are too. God, I'm tired." He breathed deeply and she opened her eyes to look at him.
"Thank you," she had whispered and he turned his head to look at her.
"Oh, honey, you shouldn't be awake," he whispered back, turning to stare at her, brushing her hair back from her face.
"I dozed for a bit," she said quietly and he searched her face.
"You've been crying," he stared and she nodded, tears filling her eyes again.
"I can't seem to stop," she whispered with a sob and he pulled her close, murmuring softly and rubbing her back. She cried and he said nothing about it, simply let her cry and held her close. Within minutes she was asleep and slept soundly until she was awoken to the now familiar sounds of their daughter waking for her next meal.
Stepping quietly into Faith's room, she laid her on the changing table and turned on a lamp, the soft light filling the room. She slipped on her robe, but kept in untied. Unwrapping the blanket in which Mulder had expertly swaddled Faith, she quickly changed her wet diaper, swaddling her again before sat down in the rocking chair, and reached for the nursing pillow.
Unbuttoning her pajama top, she opened her nursing bra, and brought Faith to her breast. She latched on immediately and Scully sighed in relief. Closing her eyes, she listened to her feed, the noises bringing her comfort. Stroking her little head, Scully sighed again.
Opening her eyes, she looked down at Faith and smiled. Her eyebrows raised up and down as she nursed and Scully laughed softly. Mulder would get a kick out of that when she pointed it out. Scully ran her fingers lightly across her eyebrows and Faith frowned at the touch. Smiling again, she watched her feed, happy beyond any other emotion.
Moving her to the other breast a few minutes later, she closed up the other side of her bra and sighed again, rocking the chair slowly. Humming softly, she realized Faith did not have a song the way William had. She shook her head, knowing she could not sing his song to Faith, not without breaking down each time. No, she needed her own song.
Chuckling softly at the first song that came to mind, Faith by George Michael, she shook her head and smiled. She continued to hum, no tune in particular. Moving her from her breast, she covered up and put Faith on her shoulder. Burping her and rocking slowly, she closed her eyes and began to softly sing, the words seeming to bubble out on their own.
Baby I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
But all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
She stopped, tears pouring down her face, knowing this could not be the song either. It was beautiful, but so incredibly sad, it made her ache. Trying to calm her tears, she heard a creak and opened her eyes. Mulder stood in the doorway, disheveled and sleepy eyed, shivering in the chill of the house.
"Hey," he whispered, walking close and kneeling down, kissing Faith's head as he did. "What's got you upset?"
"What doesn't?" she asked quietly, moving her hand and wiping her tears. She tried to smile and failed as she sighed. "She doesn't have a song, Mulder. I don't… I don't want to sing William's to her. I can't…" She shook her head, tears in her eyes again, and he nodded in understanding.
"It's okay, Scully, it'll come to us. It's only been three weeks. We have plenty of time," he smiled softly and she nodded.
"I thought maybe Hallelujah, but," she shook her head and he exhaled.
"Oh God, no," he whispered, nearly horrified. "No wonder you're crying. It's a beautiful song, but no, Scully. Not right now anyway. We'll think of something." He smiled and she gave a shaky laugh.
"She's asleep, let me take her," he said, a few minutes later, rubbing Faith's tiny back, and she nodded. He took her gently and rocked her in his arms, shushing her softly as she began to stir.
Moving the nursing pillow, she buttoned her top and stood up slowly, her body still sore. He smiled at her and she stepped close to kiss him and run her fingers through his wild hair. He leaned into her touch and she smiled back at him.
Turning around, she turned off the lamp and walked out of the room. She heard him following behind her and walking to the bassinet. She continued into the bathroom to pee, brush her teeth and her hair, needing to feel a little less tired and gross than she did.
Coming out of the bathroom, she took off her robe and found him watching Faith sleep. She walked closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his chest. He stroked her hair as they looked at her together, the little human they had created.
"Come on," he said with a yawn. "Let's go back to bed." He led her to her side and pulled the blankets back, covering her once she laid down. Crossing to the other side, he slid under the blankets beside her.
Their cold feet brushed together and they both gasped and then laughed softly. He put his hand on her hip, pulling her closer. She snuggled in, craving his warmth, and the need to sleep until the next feeding.
"I love you," he whispered, and she kissed his throat, feeling his pulse against her lips.
"I love you too," she whispered, as he held her close in his arms, as the sun began to rise over the silent house, and they all slept peacefully within.